Ugh.

I was in a good mood when I started writing this. Now there’s one minute left in the Dallas match and I’m full of rage. I’ll come back to that in a minute.

A lot happened this week. The dudes held it down against Houston on Saturday and then . . . just ugh.

Of course, there was that 🚨MASSIVE NEWS 🚨about the world’s greatest forward—sources are saying that Brazilian superstar João Klauss will be out for at least another two weeks.

Oh, and Messi happened. More on that below. But first, we CITY.

🟧 Houston

Carnell made one change to the lineup on Saturday–Ostrák ⬆️, Stroud ⬇️. The latter was busy tending to his yellow card collection. But Czech it out: Ostrák got us a goal in the 65th minute.

Saturday also saw the return of Rasmus Alm after several weeks on the team’s injury report. Welcome back!

And we must talk about Parker. Two reasons: (1) The red-headed warlock swiped left on a Houston goal with his red war-locks, and (2) The defender is still getting paychecks from the Dynamo. It’s true. CITY acquired Parker from Houston, who agreed to retain a portion of Parker’s salary budget charge for two seasons. In other words, Parker is taking Houston’s cash while declining their goals. 🤌

Then there was that weird Outsiders-esque rumble that saw Iván Franco sent off for seemingly tossing Gioacchini to the ground. And then everyone yelled at each other. And then VAR happened. And then big-haired Andy Samberg came back to trade his red for a yellow.

Did Franco’s antics warrant a 🟥? Maybe. I think reasonable minds can differ on this one. Niko definitely added some dramatic flair, but that doesn’t negate the fact that Franco wrapped an arm around his neck. And why did Franco get involved in the first place? From what I could see, Franco was not part of the initial skirmish. And why target Gioacchini? Whatever.

Historically speaking, Francos aren’t great.

Blom had this to say after the match:

🐂 Dallas

Just ugh. The first half of this match took place during The Dark Times, so it kinda makes sense that we looked a lot like we did during our losing streak. Per MLS rules, our lineup—and by extension, our formation—had to match what we put on the field a month ago. Thankfully, we are back in our fortress on Sunday.

I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

🗞 Other CITY News

🏆 Are we made of vinyl? Cuz records (⬅ I wrote this before the rage)

Before traveling to Frisco on Wednesday, CITY had reached 28 points, 9 wins, 32 goals, and a +18 goal differential in its first 14 matches. All are MLS records for an expansion team. And remember, Parker’s Posse did this without Joakim Nilsson playing a single minute. Per Transfermarkt, the Swede is our second most valuable player in terms of market value. Nilsson has been out the entire season (AKA our first team’s entire existence) with a knee injury. I hope he’ll make his first appearance later this month or in early July.

5️⃣ The Cinco

We moved up two spots in this week’s MLS Power Rankings. That’s great! But I’m surprised we aren’t higher. I’m also surprised that I’m surprised because underrating our team is the least surprising thing I’ve seen this week. (← I also wrote this before the rage)

🧨 Controlled Chaos

It’s kinda our thing. And it appears to be working. But Carnell knows we can’t rest on our laurels.

🌻 CITY for All

CITYPARK has teamed up with Hidden Disabilities Sunflower to make the gameday experience more accessible and enjoyable for folks with invisible disabilities like autism, sensory disorders, and PTSD. As part of a new program, guest services and security staff will receive training on how to support fans with these hidden disabilities. The program will utilize discreet wearables to alert staff of an individual’s needs. I love this club’s dedication to inclusivity. You can read more here.

🌈 Pride

Speaking of inclusivity, it’s Pride Month and the St. Louligans are again participating in Prideraiser to raise money for local LGBTQ+ charities. This year, all proceeds go to the Metro Trans Umbrella Group. To get involved, check out the site and make a per-goal pledge for the month of June.

✅ Vote early, vote now, vote constantly, and then do it again…twice

All-Star voting is still open. You can vote once per day. I think Löwen and Bürki stand a real shot. Klauss is a possibility, but his time on the injured list makes things tricky.

In his piece for MLSsoccer.com, Joe Lowery lists Bürki and Löwen as favorites. The folks on Extratime had some nice things to say as well. You can check it out on last Thursday’s episode at around 1:06:30. Other than that, there’s not much CITY-specific podcast content this week.

🔊 Does Bürki have a Marshmello tattoo?

I’m nearly certain I saw ×͜× above his right knee. Please hit me up with any insider info. This is important.

📸 This photo, tho

CITY-Adjacent News

🦩 Messi to Miami

Leo is coming to MLS via Inter Miami. I honestly thought this would never happen. I’m glad I was wrong . . . I think.

What does this mean for MLS? I’m not knowledgeable enough to know, so I shouldn’t speculate. But speculating is fun, so let’s get reckless.

⚠️ Disclaimer: This theory is supported by absolutely nothing ⚠️

Okay, so Inter is getting Messi and we have these persistent rumors about Firmino. Now we are hearing that a cadre of other elite players may join Messi in Miami. I’ve also heard some weird stuff about Sergio Ramos and Atlanta that probably isn’t true.

Anyway, Lutz made clear on Twitter that we aren’t looking for a third DP. But maybe that’s because DPs will soon be a thing of the past now that MLS has its white whale. If that’s the case, both of these things could be true: (1) CITY isn’t signing a third DP, and (2) CITY is pursuing Firmino. That said, at the moment, it sounds like Messi will hit the salary cap as a DP, but it’d be naïve to assume that the league will remain static after Messi & Friends join us stateside.

Again, this is pure speculation (or maybe just hope), but I can’t imagine Don Garber wasting this Messi momentum. MLS is no longer a retirement league. Bringing in Messi and then resting on your laurels would make zero sense. I think Messi is simply the first part of a much larger plan—a plan that will see MLS do everything it can to gain global recognition as an elite league. I’m not saying this will happen overnight, but I think big changes are coming. With the news that Saudi Arabia is systematically targeting the world’s top players (not to mention the basic human rights of women and LGBTQ+ individuals), MLS can’t afford to sit back and watch. I, for one, am relieved that Messi is not moving to Riyadh.

Lastly, don’t get your hopes up for a Messi sighting in STL any time soon. According to The Athletic, the earliest Messi will play is July 21, six days after we host the Flamingos? Herons? Nobody knows. NEAT.

👋 Concacaf Champions League

The Concacaf Champions League is no more. Starting next year, the Concacaf Champions Cup will replace the thing that LAFC just lost.

The expanded format will include 27 clubs playing 51 matches for a chance to win $5 million and a spot in Club World Cup. I like this. If the MLS season ended right now, CITY would make the cut.

🏟 NYCFC’s New Home

NYCFC is finally getting a new home. This isn’t fresh tea, but there’s one detail that should excite STL fans. The new stadium—which is part of the larger Willets Point Project—was designed by St. Louis-based architecture firm HOK. The firm also designed CITYPARK. So NYCFC looked at STL and said: “I’ll have what they’re having.” Damn right you will.

Lastly, here are the odds for Sunday. As of right now, Dimers gives us a 60.1% chance of winning. The Galaxy are horrendous. I really don’t want to lose.

Best wishes,

Silly Moose Computer Goose7