Good morning! ☀

I don’t know what was more fun: CITY crushing Colorado, LAFC falling to the Galaxy, or Toronto absolutely imploding. All I know is that the words “Ginger Lion” appear later in the newsletter, so you should definitely keep reading.

It’s a fairly short one this week. Let’s discuss.

⛰ Colorado

We didn’t expect much from the Rapids and they lived up to expectations.

Even though Colorado weren’t very good, our guys came to play. Tim “The Hair” Parker started things off quickly with a goal in the fourth minute. Stroud doubled the lead just seven minutes later. We didn’t add any goals in the second half, but we still looked like the better side. We now have 10 players with at least two goals.

And while Adeniran didn’t score this time around, he got his first assist with that Stroud goal. Parker made Team of the Matchday and Aziel Jackson made is debut on Young Players of the Matchday. Aziel was my man-of-the-match.

Before we go on, let’s pause a moment to appreciate this AI-generated poem about Tim Parker’s hair:

CITY remain on top of the Western Conference (thank you, Galaxy) with highest goal differential (+15) and second most goals (39) in the entire league. Columbus has us beat at 42 goals.

In other thoughts, I continue to be shocked by our possession numbers. I’m not sure why since it absolutely fits our style of play. But CITY only had the ball 39% of the time against the Mountain Don’ts. According to FBref.com, our average possession over the season thus far is just 44%. We don’t need the ball very long to be dangerous.

🚨 FUN FACT ALERT 🚨 → We’ve lost every game where our possession exceeded 50%. We’ve won every game where it was less than 40%.

🍁 Toronto 

So things have gotten even weird in Toronto. You may recall they fired their head coach a couple of weeks back. Well, apparently that wasn’t enough chaos for them. Before I go further, some background information might be helpful.

Per The Athletic ($), Toronto has the highest salary outlay in the league at nearly $26 million. Their top earner—Lorenzo Insigne—makes a whopping $7.5 million per year. Only one player in MLS makes more and that’s Xherdan Shaqiri of the Chicago Fire. As if that weren't enough, Toronto shells out another $6.3 million a year for Federico Bernardeschi, the fourth highest-paid player in MLS. This is all Pre-Messi, of course.

Impressive. So what has that gotten Toronto? Mostly really bad soccer. The Reds are currently second-to-last in the Eastern Conference and third-to-last in the Supporters’ Shield race. On the whole they are 3-10-9 (W-D-L).

Instead of supplying goals, the two Italians have mostly supplied drama. According to The Athletic, when Insigne was named captain while Jonathan Osorio was injured, Bernardeschi initially refused to take the field against NYCFC. And Bernie’s jealousy didn’t stop there—he was reportedly quite sour about Insigne’s jacket collab with Drake. Yes, this is real.

🤌← actual photo from the locker room.

Okay, so we’ve established that the two headliners haven’t delivered. But hey, they’re still the best players on the team and surely they aren’t going anywhere.

Except maybe they are. Reports are coming out that Insigne wants to leave for a Saudi club. Not to be outdone, Bernardeschi absolutely popped his gourd and head-butted (but didn’t?) an opposing player during Tuesday’s match against Orlando City (which Toronto lost HARD). He will not be tasting the toasted ravioli on Saturday night.

Cool cool cool. Things are looking great up north. Why don’t we take a look at the most recent availability report for the Reds while we’re at it.

Wut.

At least TFC has this sick new kit, though.

Even with all of that, the odds are about even. Away games are notoriously difficult in this league. But wow. If we play like we’ve been playing, this could get interesting.  

📰 Other CITY Stuff

New people! 🧔

Transfer season officially opened yesterday and as I’m writing this, I’m seeing rumors that one Nökkvi Thorisson may be headed to St. Louis. The 23-year-old winger is apparently good at soccer. But that's really all I’ve got for now. This is that fresh tea! 🫖

Vote Bürki ⭐

Our captain could be the captain of the MLS All-Star Team if you do a lil’ votie vote. And if for some reason you’re a terrible person and still need convincing:

More CITY stuff:

• ESPN still has us seventh in the power rankings. Broadway Sports Media has us at a much more accurate four.

• Homegrown Caden Glover is an MLS NEXT All-Star. Baller.

• Sam Jones continues to try and steal our joy.

• Gregg Berhalter will make his awkward debut as the previous and also newly appointed USMNT coach this September at CITYPARK.

Bürki does have a Marshmello tattoo

TCL can officially confirm that Roman Bürki does, in fact, have a Marshmello tattoo.

↪ CITY-Adjacent News

El Tráfico was amazing 🚙

I’m really tired, so you’ll just have to take my word for it. Or if that’s not enough, look at this hilarious 80s-freeze-frame-esque photo of Riqui Puig.

One last thing

Threads dropped last night and it’s (probably) cooler than Twitter. Follow TCL here.

Warmest regards,

Drake’s Jacket Collab